#nathensyummyfood - Authentic Thai food from a packet in record breaking speed

in life •  25 days ago 

It's time I did a food post to add to my long list of random shitposts and almost a month in the UK with wife gave me the perfect opportunity to teach how to fake very authentic tasting Thai food using cheap packets of flavourings.

Travelling back to the UK from Thailand involves suitcases laden with packets of Thai sauce mixes. After only a couple of days, the wife is generally constipated, bloated and grumpier than her normal grumpy self.

I sick of fucking mash potatoes and sandwiches. Is shit.

She maligns in her strong southern Thai accent that has a remarkable command of the nuances of English expletives if not basic verb conjugations and third-person, singular neuter pronouns, and so poor old Nathen, who is trying his best to relive his early childhood and enjoying allowing his 80-year-old mother to slave away in the kitchen creating all manner of pies, puddings and pastries for his trip down memory lane, has to get his lazy arse up from the sofa and an exciting episode of 'The Chase' to pander to his wife's culinary desires.

One of the most ubiquitous dishes in Thailand is Tom Yum Koong, a spicy soup with prawns, or shrimps. Tom Yum Goong, is the same dish with Chicken.

Now like western supermarkets that have aisles full of cook-in-sauces and sachets of flavourings, so do Thai supermarkets and like in the UK, the food fascists of Thailand look down upon these as being too simple and lazy alternatives to creating the equivalent dish properly using fresh ingredients, locally sourced and grown in pesticide-free, organic pig shit. As for using a microwave for preparing Thai food......ferangs have been given life sentences in the Bangkok Hilton for less.

Then we start on the rice. Rice! That amazingly delicious and nutritious grain that gets processed to remove all traces goodness and is then boiled to death just to make sure it has the nutritional value of a rock. For the majority of Thais, it has to be homegrown Jasmine, but for Nathen, who doesn't have the time or patience to fanny around with pans of boiling hot water and atomic time clock enabled measuring devices to get it exactly right, its got to be microwave! Don't tell the mother-in-law.

It has taken six trips to the UK and every brand of microwave rice in existence to find one the wife actually likes and of course, it happens to be the most difficult one to find a regular supply of in Pontefract. We have every supermarket known to humankind there, but the only consistent stockist has been 'Home Bargains', and so we buy it by the lorry load, and here it is.......

Veetee 'rice and easy' - sticky and fragrant. I like the way it says it has 'no artificial colours, flavours or preservatives' but fails to mention it has no nutrients either. A top-quality tagline by the same marketing team that brought you #newsteem

How to turn a few simple ingredients and a packet of sand into an authentic Thai meal in a couple of minutes?

Ingredients

  1. Packet of Rosdee Tom Yum Creamy (available from www.thaidirect.co.uk in the UK for about a quid)
  2. Sliced button mushrooms
  3. A sliced and crushed chilli (the powder has all the spice you need so don't go over the top)
  4. Lemon Grass
  5. Cilantro
  6. Kaffir Lime leaves
  7. Half a lime
  8. Cup of shrimps or prawns (be lazy like me and drop the cheap frozen ones in at the end, or use freshly peeled at the start)

Don't worry about the cilantro and kaffir lime leaves. We brought those and are just to make it look better really. Again, the packet has all you need!!

Method

Just follow the simple steps on the packet but basically, boil the kettle and pour 1/2 litre into a pan on the cooker and when it's boiling, pour in the packet soup mix, throw in the mushrooms, lemon grass, chilli and prawns (if they are fresh and uncooked) and then reduce to a simmer for 5 to 10 minutes.

With two minutes to go, throw the rice in the microwave and if you're using frozen prawns, drop them in the soup along with the leaves.

The longer you simmer, the spicier and stronger the flavours will be, so keep trying it to suit. Pour it in a dish and serve with fresh lime.

That's it. Enjoy

In all seriousness, I can cook. I have always enjoyed taking a pile of fresh, high-quality ingredients and creating something that looks and tastes delicious but there is nothing wrong with using 'shortcuts' like packets and sauces. As I have said many times, food snobbery is one thing I hate in life as not everyone can afford to buy organic, locally grown or raised fresh produce but that doesn't stop them making delicious and nutritious home-cooked meals.

In this particular case, my very fussy Thai wife loved it, so it can't be bad! And for me, I got back to beans on toast and the final chase! That governess knows her shit!

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These gastronomic shortcuts are very good, thanks! I have learned that no typical food comes out the same but it is made in the country of origin itself because water and codings vary in taste. But it is interesting to prove your discovery, hahahaha. Regards @nathen007

I absolutely agree about water and local conditions When I 'proper' cook here in Thailand it never tasted quote the same as I remember it doing back home!
Environment makes so much difference.

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Hi nathen007,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Thank you. I'm made up!

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Hello Hello!

It looks totally delicious, I congratulate you, you are very talented in food and in addition to explaining the process in great detail, thanks for sharing!

Greetings from Venezuela♡

Hello there and thank you, but you are too kind!
Best wishes to you too from an Englishman in Thailand :-)

Looking forward more than ever now to the food over there.

@bingbabe uses that Jasmine rice that you get from the Chinese stores but it still tastes kind of dull to me being a local raised on chips.

Saying that I do like the thai restaurants here, if you can find one.

Rice is absolutely tasteless mate. Read up on its nutritional value, I wasn't exaggerating .It's nill. I eat brown rice which has taste and a nice nutty flavour.

You'll be fine here , there's everything from everywhere and all the big global brands, even a few English style pubs with breakfasts that I haven't been to but are supposed to be good.

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If it's anything like the brown rice I have tried here.. that's worse!
Like eating solid small bits of cardboard.

oh dear @nathen007, I too often use shortcuts and then add some personal touches! and as in advertising, if you don't tell the guests, they will do nothing but compliment you until the end of the dinner :-))
keep on and congratulations on your curie rating

Yay that the wife loved it! :) I am one for shortcuts in cooking. Although we can make the sauces by blending and cooking all the ingredients but it is a whole lot of work and packet sauces aren't that bad at all when you add fresh ingredients like in your case the mushrooms, chili, lemon grass, cilantro, etc. Thank you for sharing that the packet Tom Yum Koong works. I love Tom Yum!