A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising, or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anti-climax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
I hope today's selection of paraprosdokians bring on a chuckle, or put a smile on your face, at least.
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I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. - Mark Twain
Don't do drugs, because you will go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison. - John Harwick
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. - Rodney Dangerfield
There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
Forgive your enemies – if you can’t get back at them any other way. - Franklin P. Jones
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. - Unknown
Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly. - Evan Esar
Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes. - Benny Bellamacina
If at first you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy. - H. Duane Black
Always think before you speak. You may be able to come up with something twice as insulting. - Unknown
Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done, and why. Then do it. - Robert Heinlein
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen
I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it. - Unknown
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. - Unknown
I found a concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you might need a nail. - Unknown
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